People say their marriage vows: “I will love you and comfort you and keep you in sickness and in health. Forsaking all others, keep unto you as long as we both shall live.  Take you for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part.”

We dutifully tell each other that. But unless we bring the fruit of the Spirit into our marriage, these vows are impossible to keep.

If you get married with the idea that the person you’re marrying is going to transform your life – turn you into a loving kindly, gentle, cheerful, happy person, you’re mistaken. Marriage is first of all a matter of your spirit, and marriage will reveal what kind of spirit is in your heart.

Philippians 2:1 gives us some practical advice for marriage. “If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy ….” The interaction we have with our spouse comes from God, not from what’s happening around us.

Does this describe you? Is Christ living in you, helping you to love your spouse, or are you trying in your own strength to make the relationship work?

Verse 2 of the same chapter in Philippians tells us, “Make my joy complete: be of the same mind.” Many times we are unable to move on to verse 2 because of the condition of our own hearts. That may be why you are having trouble with your marriage.

The choices you make in your hours together will determine what kind of a relationship you are going to have with each other. The condition of your relationship will reveal the condition of your heart. According to Philippians 1:2 your goal in marriage is this: “Make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.” You need to work at being of the same mind!

To do that Philippians 2 verse 3 instructs you to “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit.” Selfish ambition – pretty strong words! Are you looking out for yourself or for your spouse?

For every two people in the marriage bureau, there’s one couple ending up in divorce court. Why? Because to have your own way is more important than the marriage. Being “like-minded” is a command of God, a basic fundamental requirement of any two people that have to work together. Being ‘like-minded” is tough – the circumstances of our lives are always changing, but the commitment to be “like-minded” can help you navigate the difficult places in your marriage.

Take a step . . .
Ask God to bring to your mind one way you can reach out to your spouse in an unselfish way. Then make yourself do that thing!

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This is a summary from Dr. Brandt’s manuscript Marriage God ’s Way.

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That scripture’s standard doesn’t leave much lee-way, does it? There’s little room for individuality or for you to do your own thing. But those who proceed into marriage with an individualistic mindset create disharmony in their relationship, and usually end up lonely and unhappy.

However, when two people come to the place where they have the same mind, the same judgment, the same outlook, and the same goals, yes, they have given up their individuality, but they don’t lose their creativity. The relationship is centered on cooperation rather than opposition. They are working together.

Cooperation creates the oil that makes an effective relationship possible. And the golden thread that runs through that oil is love. Not the kind of love the world offers, that is stimulated by other people and other things, but the kind of love that God gives you. His love enables you to let go of your own way.

His love will allow you to relate to the other person with an attitude that is described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (presented here in the Philips translation).

The love of which I speak is:

Slow to lose patience.

It looks for a way to be constructive.

It’s not possessive.

It is neither anxious to impress, nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance.

Love has good manners, and it does not pursue selfish advantage.

It is not touchy.

It does not compile statistics of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people.

On the contrary, it is glad when truth prevails.

Love knows no limits of its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope. It can outlast anything, and it is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen.

When you have this kind of love, you have what no human being can give you – you have the foundation for building an effective marriage.

Take a step . . .

Do you have this kind of love? If not, and you find yourself struggling in the midst of holding on to your own individuality, take a moment to open your heart to God in prayer, asking Him to fill you with His kind of love.

“Lord, I’ve been wrong. Forgive me for wanting my own way. Fill me with your spirit of love that will allow me the security to let my individuality go. I want my creativity to be centered on cooperation with my spouse, rather than opposition. In Jesus Name, Amen.”

>> Click here to TELL US how this has helped you.

This summary is from Dr. Brandt’s message Key to a Successful Marriage.

Click here to read the transcript or to listen to this audio.

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