BCI blog » parenting

Honoring Parents

admin — Fri, 07 May 2010 05:23:16 +0000

Do you and your partner agree on how to raise your children? If not, you may think you are experiencing a marriage problem because you can’t get together on this important issue. This can feel like a pretty hopeless situation. Often times your children have learned how to pit you against one another. By the time they get into their teens, those kids will be able to do what they please, because they will have learned how to manage you instead of you managing them.

Looking at your situation more closely, you will discover that this isn’t a marriage problem. It’s about a man who has a problem, and a woman who has a problem. Before you can dare hope to be able to manage your children properly, you need to take a good look at yourselves. Why? Because it takes a happy, relaxed man and woman to manage children.

The Bible gives some sound instruction on how to go about this. Ephesians 6:2-3 tells us to “Honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God hath given you.” To be worthy of honor means to behave in a certain way. Your relationship with your own mother and father is a very critical relationship to take a look at. If you have unresolved issues between you and your parents, it’s crucial that you straighten those out, because the processes involved with coming to terms with your parents are the same processes that are involved in dealing with your children.

Keep in mind children are very observant. They’ll watch how you get along with your parents, and form thoughts and opinions that could cause problems both with you and with your parents. After all, your parents are the grandparents of your children. So things should be good, not only for your sake, but for your children’s as well. Do all you can to see that issues are resolved and that your relationship with your parents and your in-laws is a friendly one. That’s an important aspect of raising children. For you’re demonstrating your character while you’re training your children.

As a father, make sure your children honor their mother and that they see you are honoring her as well. God gave you the responsibility to see to it that you do everything you can to make your wife to be the most fulfilled, happy person she can possibly be. That’s your job as a husband, and the same responsibility goes for your wife.

Parents are children’s role models. They will copy you, and you want them copying behaviors that will help them to develop into emotionally, healthy individuals.

Take a step . . .
Take a few minutes to evaluate your relationship with your parents, your in-laws, your spouse, and your children. How can you show more honor to your parents and your in-laws? What can you do to show your children that you honor and respect your spouse? What behaviors in your life are good for your children to model? What behaviors in your life do you need to change for the benefit of those in your family?

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This summary is from Dr Brandt’s message I Want to Enjoy My Children.

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Helping Kids Live Within Limits

admin — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 21:59:51 +0000

I want to remind you that raising children is a twenty year process. Twenty years. So those of you with preschool children need to remember that you have a ways to go! So relax, take it easy, there isn’t any one day that makes a whole lot of difference, not in the perspective of twenty years.

In Isaiah 53:6 we read, “All we like sheep have gone astray.” One could think of this verse as the theme for family life. If parents go ”astray”, the children will usually follow. It’s important to recognize the responsibility you have in raising your children.

One of the responsibilities we have as parents is to set limits. Setting limits involves both parents choosing carefully what is best for their children. Once you set those limits, make sure they hold. It’s important that your children realize that you have set boundaries for them, made them plain, and they can depend on you to carry them out. That gives them security.

First you must SET AND COMMUNICATE THE LIMITS to your children. Once you have done that, you can expect your children to test those limits. Be prepared, you will need some tools to enforce them.

The first tool is to HELP your children to live within the boundaries you have set up for them. For example, when your small child is in an ugly mood and creating a raucous in the T.V. room where she knows there is to be no horseplay, you deal with it simply by lifting her out and setting her down in the kitchen. That child just needed help in behaving herself. You’ve enforced the limit, and not allowed her in the T.V. room until she learns to behave herself.

Another tool is to provide SUPERVISION. Say you set a time for your children to be home when they go out at night. Make sure one of you is always there when they arrive. It takes supervision to keep track of your children.

An additional tool you may need to occasionally use is PRESSURE. You say to your child “It’s time to go to church.”

He or she responds, “I won’t go.”

Rather than threaten, spank, or holler at them, just link your arm firmly in theirs and march them to church. If they sneak out, get them and sit right beside them.

Parenthood isn’t difficult. All it needs is agreement, deep convictions, your good example, and a loving spirit.

Take a step . . .
As you consider the process of having “boundaries” for your children, which aspect of the process do you need to focus on?

Setting and Communicating the Limits
Helping
Supervising
Using Pressure
Ask God to help you lovingly set the boundaries your children need. You may want to pray the following prayer:

Dear Lord, You can see my situation more clearly than anyone else and you know my children even better than I do. You have the power to intervene and help me to be the parent to my children that they need me to be. I need your wisdom, direction, strength, and love to empower me to parent my children in a way that will help them to grow into mature adults. Thank you Jesus, Amen.

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This is a summary from Dr. Brandt’s message Freedom of Boundaries.

Expect Respect from Your Children

admin — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 22:50:39 +0000

The foundation upon which you’re going to build an effective family life is this: You expect your children to honor you. Now how does that happen? That happens when you and your partner sit down and develop guidelines, limits, and rules that both of you are prepared to carry out, and in your considered judgment, are in the best interests of your children.

Many of us, by the time we do our job, look at our recreational opportunities and carry out our social opportunities, find we are too played out to spend quality time in the raising of our children. Let me say to you that if you want to give your children a sense of sure footedness, then you ought to accept the task of deciding what’s best for them, and you are the one who’s got the experience to realistically decide what is best. There isn’t anybody in the world better qualified to decide what’s best for children than their parents, provided you’ve paid attention to what your children need.

Children without boundaries will become frustrated and live with a sense of insecurity because they are left to chart their own course. According to Proverbs 22:6, parents are to “train up a child in the way he should go.” Where a child goes and what a child does should be your decision, not theirs. You know what is best from them. They may buck you, but stand firm. Remember, it is not your responsibility to keep them happy, but to guide them in their behavior.

Agreement and unity are the foundation upon which you’re going to build an effective family life. You’re not concerned about whether your children like it. The important thing is that the two people in the world most qualified to make that decision are agreed that what you have decided is best for your children, because you both have the best interests of your children at heart.

Once you’ve decided what the plan is going to be, then the two of you can work together the rest of the time seeing to it that it’s carried out. You’ll make changes along the way, reviewing the day or the week and reviewing the rules. It may seem a big undertaking, but there’s nothing that will give you more satisfaction than you both charting the course for your family.

Take a step . . .
Take a few moments to evaluate the way you discipline your children. Are you and your spouse on the same page? What can you do to approach the discipline of your children in the same way? What is one step you need to take to begin to guide your children in a more deliberate way? Ask God to help you take that step.

>> Click here to TELL US how this has helped you.

This is a summary from Dr. Brandt’s message Discipline That Counts.

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>> Find life-changing insights arranged topically by need

>> Listen to dynamic audio messages by Dr. Brandt

>> Experience freedom and healing from sin problems

Enforcing Boundaries with Children

admin — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 05:53:41 +0000

How seriously do you take your responsibilities as a parent? Do you believe in setting limits and boundaries? Many people these days are saying, “Don’t pressure your child. If they don’t want to do it, don’t force them.”

The Bible has this to say about that kind of thinking: “The child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame” (Proverbs 29:15). The crime rate among our children is rising, and parents need to be more in tune with their God given role regarding their children.

You and your partner are a team, and as such need to mutually design a playing field for your children that consists of reasonable rules and boundaries that will give them direction. These give you as parents a framework for guidance and training, and set the stage for good supervision. It is wise to take into consideration your children’s interests and needs. But make sure you are the one that calls the shots as to what the rules are going to be, not your childen.

Put your requests to them in the form of an affirmative directive, rather than as a question. Not: “Would you like to go to bed?” but instead saying, “It’s time for bed.” That’s ”training up a child in the way that he should go” (Proverbs 22:6). When you ask a question you’re giving your child the freedom to ignore what you want them to do or to even say “No” to what needs to be done. When that happens, and you don’t do anything about it, you’re teaching them non-compliance.

As loving and responsible parents, it is your responsibility to teach your children to comply with the reasonable limits you have set for them, keeping in mind you have set these rules and limits for them in their best interests. When you request that your children do something in a certain way, make your request with confident expectation that they are going to do what you are asking them to do.

Sometimes your children will need help in obeying your rules. For instance, the quickest way to help your child get into the house if they refuse to obey, is to pick them up, or gently lead them into the house. You are helping them to comply.

Teaching your children to comply with reasonable limits is one of the best things you can do for them in terms of what they’ll need to do when they are adults, having to comply with the expectations of an employer or group they are in. They won’t always have people in authority who are nice to them, but they will learn to do what they are asked to do because they have been asked to do it, not because people are nice to them.

Having the ability to comply with reasonable limits is a wonderful gift you can give your children.

Take a step . . .
Memorize the following verses:

“Train up a child in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6).

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

>> Click here to TELL US how this has helped you.

This summary is from Dr Brandt’s message I Want to Enjoy My Children.

Want more? Click here…

>> Find life-changing insights arranged topically by need

>> Listen to dynamic audio messages by Dr. Brandt

>> Experience freedom and healing from sin problems

Setting Reasonable Limits for Kids

admin — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 22:20:37 +0000

“But Mommy, I don’t want to.” Or maybe, it’s “No, Daddy, I won’t.” Sound familiar? These responses are the “cries of resistance” to major principles parents need to set down concerning their families. These principles are called limits.

When you think about living and working together as a family, setting limits is vital. Children need limits – limits that are fair, reasonable, and as few as possible. The limits of your family need to be clearly communicated and enforced.

It may sound complex. But the only really complex part of living with limits in your family is for you and your partner to agree on what the limits are going to be, realizing and accepting that when you set down limits, you’ll experience resistance.

Your child may cry, beg, or even yell, thinking if they do it long enough, you’ll give in. That’s normal. It’s just human nature to want to do things your own way, and you can see that tendency full blown and very obvious in little children.

The Bible tells us that “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way” (Isaiah 53:6 KJV).

How do you handle it when your child resists your limits? You don’t to lecture them, or raise your voice to them, or give in to them. Help them, without doing the job for them. Be persistent, consistent, and firm, but be gentle.

Trying to get them to want to keep your limits isn’t your job, even though many modern psychologists say it is. And it isn’t your job to help them decide what limits they want to keep, or to explain to them why you want them to do what you ask. It is your job to decide what, in your considered judgment, is in the best interest of your children, and what are the reasonable limits that have to be carried out.

Keep in mind your responsibility isn’t to keep your children happy. Your primary task is to “Train up a child in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6 KJV). The training of our children involves reasonable, firm boundaries set down in love. Loving limits give children a sense of security.

Children need good humored parents who are on the same page and who love their children and believe in them enough to give them whatever help they need to do what is best for them. That’s security, and that’s follow through.

Take a step . . .
Ask yourself, ”Are my children experiencing fair and reasonable limits?” What changes need to occur within your family? Ask God to help you set practical limits for your children that will help them to be all that God has created them to be.

>> Click here to TELL US how this has helped you.

This is a summary from Dr. Brandt’s message Follow Through .

Want more? Click here…

>> Find life-changing insights arranged topically by need

>> Listen to dynamic audio messages by Dr. Brandt

>> Experience freedom and healing from sin problems