SECTION 2: THE KEY TO FELLOWSHIP—A MEETING OF THE MINDS
Everyone interacts with other people—in a family, at work, at church, in a store, in a car, in a neighborhood. In the process, you either reveal or conceal what is on your mind.
DECEPTION IS COMMON
An anxious, disgruntled young man, married six months, came to see me about his marriage. He hated his wife’s hairdo, her cooking, housekeeping, and lovemaking. What was he doing about it?
“I haven’t the heart to tell her, Dr. Brandt. So I’ve been telling her what a good job she’s been doing in each of those areas.”
A very worried and tense young lady came to see me because her wedding date was two months away, and she couldn’t stand her boyfriend. He was tied to his family, wasted his money, and didn’t bathe often enough.
What was she doing about the problem? Nothing. Instead, she told him how much she loved and admired him and gave everyone the impression that she was thrilled about the upcoming marriage.
Another young lady came to see me because she disagreed constantly with her mother. What did she do about it? Obeyed outwardly and seethed with resentment inwardly.
Many of my clients appear to be radiantly happy when they enter the consulting room, but before the session is over they reveal a bitter, hateful spirit.
I have often been in social gatherings also attended by my clients. Some of the most bitter ones appeared the happiest people there.
All these people were prepared to do anything to avoid the hatred, anger, ill will or the critical spirit of another person to be directed at them—even to the point of lying and deceiving.
Why?
Because their sense of self-respect depended on the good will of the other person.
But a deceitful relationship is self-defeating. These people didn’t come to see me because the other person was dissatisfied. They came because they, themselves, were miserable.
In the courtroom, if a witness fails to reveal accurately what is on his mind, it is called perjury. The Watergate scandal should be a stark reminder of the misery we can cause ourselves by covering up the truth. The men involved brought the wrath of the nation down on themselves.
In day-to-day human relations, we tend to create minor Watergates when we misrepresent what is on our minds and hearts. We can give ourselves a variety of reasons for practicing such deception. Some are:
- My friend would hate me.
- My mother would be upset.
- My father would be angry.
- My teacher would flunk me.
- My boss would fire me.
- My friends would be hurt or surprised.
- My church would ask me to leave.
When you misrepresent yourself to others—that is, when you lie and deceive others, for any reason, you violate a commandment, which is:
Laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you, with his neighbor, for we are members of one another (Ephesians 4:25).
To deceive another is to chip away at your own self-respect, even though you receive praise and good will as a result.