Fifteen-year-old Gene described himself as easy to get along with. But he came for counseling because of his hair-trigger temper. He had been thrown off the football team for fighting. Once at home, his mother demanded that he study instead of going outside to play baseball. Gene became so incensed that he threw his ball through the picture window.
When I asked him about this display of temper, he dismissed any responsibility for it with a shrug. “Oh, I only get mad with my mother,” he said. “Anybody would around her.”
“What about the fights you get into at school?” I asked.
“Well, if you’d been in my place, you’d have punched them out too. Anyone with guts would have. You’d defend yourself, wouldn’t you?”
Gene was a self-willed boy. He had no friends because they refused to put up with his lack of consideration and his quick fists. In spite of all the facts, Gene still insisted that he was an easygoing fellow. He really believed it; he was unhappy that others did not.
Fred Crompton came to my clinic because he was suffering from exhaustion. He was busy as a deacon in the church, made weekly calls on Sunday School absentees, served on the counseling team of the citywide youth rally, and headed the planning committee of the local Christian businessmen’s organization. Fred hardly ever missed a meeting at church. He also played tennis once a week and faithfully followed his son’s high school sports career.
Why wouldn’t so active a man wear out? Yet his doctor could find no physical cause for his complaints.
In talking with him I learned that a year before, a trusted partner had cheated Fred out of his half of a business. I also learned that the demanding schedule Fred followed had started about the time of his loss. Fred had no explanation.
“I’ve got the time to do the things I’ve always wanted to do,” he said. “I’m glad I can do them.”
“You mean you are thankful that you lost the business?” I asked.
“I had committed the business to God,” he replied. “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.”
“Were you as busy in the partnership as you are now?” I asked.
“Oh, busier. I was a workhorse.”
“Did you get exhausted then?”
“Not at all.”
“Now you aren’t as busy as you were before, but you’re on the verge of a mental and physical breakdown. How do you explain that?”
He couldn’t. I asked if he still had contact with the man who had cheated him. He replied that their paths crossed occasionally.
“We see each other. I hold no hard feelings at all toward him.”
“What was your reaction toward him when you first learned that he had cheated you?” I inquired.
“Must we go into that?” he said, quite annoyed. “The incident is past. I have forgiven him. Let’s forget it!” It seemed to me that Fred Crompton was getting hot under the collar. At least the flush of his skin indicated that he was certainly disturbed.
In later interviews, it became clear that Fred was carrying a grudge against his former partner. He hated to admit it, but he was a deeply bitter man. Rather than face his reactions to an injustice, Fred had tried to bury them in a flurry of activity. Though he maintained a good front outwardly, the inward decay had pushed him to a point of near-collapse.
Stop Struggling–Come to Terms
The first step toward peace is to discover yourself. The second is to square up with the truth you find.
You will get fleeting glimpses of your true self (and sometimes a very clear picture) as you interact with other people, as you read the Bible, as the ministry of others touches your life. The natural reaction is to shrink away from your findings. Thus you struggle against yourself in your quest for peace.
But you need not run from yourself and thereby add trouble on trouble. The resources of heaven are yours to apply against the character defects you discover. Jesus died to forgive your sins: “In whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins” (Col. 1:14).
Furthermore, God will give you daily strength if you let Him: “Present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace” (Rom. 6:13-14). “But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life” (Rom. 6:22). “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23).
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Questions for review:
- Take a moment to reflect on the last time someone gave you negative feedback or even constructive criticism. How did you react? Did you take their input to heart and see the need for change, or did you become angry or resentful toward the person or situation?
- What does the Bible call those areas in which a person falls short of God’s standard?
- What will typically happen if you deny what you find in the process of self-discovery?
- The first step toward peace is to _________________________________________. And the second is to _________________________________________________.
- What are some of the resources of heaven that you can apply against the character defects you uncover in your self-discovery?
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The Struggle for Inner Peace-Lesson 3