Human emotions can totally disengage our brain, preventing rational behavior and acceptance of the fact that we sin. I have seen this in my own life and in those of my clients.
An intelligent man nearly destroyed his marriage and family by repeatedly overworking. He was a wealthy, successful lawyer who didn’t need to work at all if he didn’t wish.
Another client came panting into my office and wearily lowered himself into a chair. He was at least one hundred pounds overweight. He called himself a compulsive eater. He was a physician.
A beautiful, frightened lady was clasping and unclasping her hands as she told me how worried she was about AIDS. She was sexually active.
An affluent couple anxiously asked me for help with a teenage daughter who was on drugs and sexually active. Against their better judgment, they had showered her with money, cars, and clothes for years.
A skeleton of a young lady looked hopelessly forlorn sitting straight in her chair; she was bulimic and starving herself. She was on the honor roll in school.
I find that I must constantly remind myself, again and again, never to underestimate the power of sin to short-circuit my intelligence.
How do you get turned around when you are headed in the wrong direction? The Bible says:
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9, NKJV
I have learned from the Bible that confession is a five-step process:
- I am sorry.
- I am wrong.
- Forgive me.
- Cleanse me.
- Empower me.
WHY IS IT DIFFICULT TO SAY “I AM WRONG; I HAVE SINNED”?
For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.
John 3:20, NKJV
How do you get turned around when you are headed in the wrong direction? I am three-and-a-half exits down the road. There are no questions at this point: We are headed in the wrong direction; I blew up at my wife for trying to help; and I even tried to tell her that she was wrong. What to do?
How often do you hear someone say: “I am wrong. I have sinned?”
Instead, I hear people declare that they are unhappy, tense, anxious, worried, disappointed, misunderstood, distrusted, unloved, or under extreme pressure.
Frequently I listen to highly intelligent, competent, educated, successful people say the strangest things, such as:
- “I blew up,” or “I exploded.” People say this very sincerely. Of course this never happens. Picture a person who blew up: teeth, bones, eyeballs, arms, legs, body parts flying in all directions.
- “I broke down.” Can you see this quivering, helpless body collapsed in a heap?
- “I lost my head.” Can you picture such an unlikely sight of a headless person groping around?
- “She gets under my skin.” One can accept the presence of a microscopic creature having entered the body but hardly a full-grown woman.
- “My blood was boiling.” This person is no doubt experiencing some bodily changes but hardly the condition described here.
- “I was beside myself.” This statement simply defies logic.
- “He turns me on.”
- “He turns me off.”
- “He burns me up.”
- “He turns me cold.”
- “I am fed up.”
My purpose in recording these statements is not to belittle anyone or to treat their reports lightly. These are socially acceptable terms to describe bodily changes that we are aware of as we interact with people and respond to the events of the day.
We freely describe ourselves and our problems as being caused by other people. But it is very difficult to say the simple words, “I am wrong. I have sinned.”
If I say, “I am wrong; I have sinned,” I can then cure the problems. The problems cannot be solved any other way.
The big little word is if. That word represents a major hurdle because I have a tendency to say these things like: “I may have been off course, but I have some good points about me. Haven’t I been faithful in teaching biblical principles worldwide? Haven’t I worked hard at being a good husband and father? Don’t I get some points for providing a good home?” None of my past history helped at this point.
I was three-and-a-half exits down the pike and going in the wrong direction. That fact couldn’t be sidestepped. When I share this story of driving down the freeway with audiences, I say, “Now sin is doing wrong according to God’s standard.
What were my sins? Can you help me out?”
Without exception, the ladies in the audience always respond immediately and with the same words: pride, stubbornness, rebellion, impoliteness, anger, and bullheadedness.
I reply, “What are you doing diagnosing me? You are not trained, are you? The point is that it is not very hard to figure out what my sins were. You can tick them off, boom, boom, boom, and you are quickly and accurately diagnosing my problem.”
Clearly I am wrong on two points: the list of words that accurately describes the condition “under my skin” and the fact that I am going the wrong direction on the freeway.
Now it is important to understand that I can acknowledge being wrong on all points without agreeing that I have sinned against God. It is important to comprehend that being wrong and being sinful are not interchangeable words. We must be clear on what we mean by being wrong.
I always ask my audiences after they volunteer the words above:
“Are you telling me what you think I want to hear, or do you really believe these words are sins?”
How can an audience diagnose my sins so quickly? Look, all of us are familiar with such behavior.
I have noticed the same process in the consulting room. A counselee seldom has any problem describing someone else’s weakness or unacceptable behavior. Their memory also serves them well in recalling past instances when someone mistreated them.
To face personal wrongdoing is a different matter. I seldom hear anyone eagerly volunteering information about their own wrongdoings.
But, if it is sin, then there is no human remedy. The cure to the problem involves a miracle and what must happen goes against our human nature.
Step 1: I must confess “I am wrong; I have sinned.”
The Bible tells us how to get turned around:
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9, NKJV
I need to realize that I am wrong because I have sinned against God’s standard. I may have taken a wrong turn, which was not sin, but my words and emotional response to my wife’s statement were wrong and sin.
As I was driving down the freeway, I realized I was proud (too proud to admit I was wrong), stubborn, rebellious, impolite, and angry.
That’s hard to admit. To call this response sin is even harder. I tend to turn away from this description of myself. It is embarrassing. We always seem to ask, “Isn’t there a more palatable explanation?”
The Bible records a midnight conversation between Jesus and Nicodemus, the dean of the theological school. Jesus was explaining why people struggle with guilt. He said:
This is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God. (John 3:19-21, NKJV).
Hear me! It took me four exits to admit that I’m a bullheaded, stubborn, proud, angry person. I don’t like that. And my wife had better not tell me that. But, as a counselor who has spent over forty years of my life working to help people, I have observed that it is very, very difficult to take the first step toward the cure, which is admitting, “I am wrong.”
And isn’t it often true that before we get turned around to face the truth, we are way down the road somewhere? We must all submit to the same treatment if we are to be cured.
But I have found that when there is a crisis, it’s easy to get preoccupied with the other person’s sins. When you think of somebody that you’re at odds with, can you not think of all the things that are wrong with them? You can even pray for them, “Oh God, straighten them out.” Face it! We all tend to deny our sins.
I must talk to God about my own sins and admit that simple but difficult point, “I am wrong,” regardless of the other person’s problems.