A VICTIM OF MY OWN BEHAVIOR
I know what you are thinking. Why didn’t I just get out from under that wing? The excitement of the landings and launchings, the lovely views and my observations of the Indian culture all added up to forgetting to look out for my head.
On the way up to see the students, I began to wonder how sorry the pilot really was. This was no longer okay! I thought that if this happens again, I will throw him into the ocean!
When we arrived at the village the students told me that they could not get along with one other. One of the fellows was very messy. He had promised his friends that he would change, but he didn’t. I told them to be more forgiving of one another.
The pilot and I walked down to the dock. He asked me to hold the rope while he got into the plane. I was glad to comply. The pilot jumped on the pontoon, the wing came down, and I was nowhere near it. I gloated to myself, “Ah, ha! You missed me!
As we flew along, I rubbed my head and nursed my mean, nasty thoughts; I half grumbled and half prayed for help. Then it hit me like the wing of a seaplane. I had visited with teams of students that had to live with circumstances beyond their control. I advised the students to look to God for love, grace, and peace in their difficulties. They had to be more loving and more forgiving of one another.
In the midst of my anger, I remembered the following scripture:
“Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.” And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.”
Luke 17:3-5, NKJV
I thought to myself, I’m with the apostles. If I am to forgive this character and like it, then something special must happen to me now.
There I was sitting beside a pilot who was sacrificially serving the Lord. Yes, I was angry and resentful toward him. And I had said nothing. I argued with myself: what about this pilot? I don’t think he’s the least bit sorry! So what? If he isn’t going to change, why not get out from under the wing? Not a bad idea! But is it fair for him to do this three times?
Enough of this kind of thinking, I said to myself. I had struck out on two counts. Why not admit it? First, my heart needed to be cleansed and renewed; my attitude was indefensible! Second, I failed to confront the pilot. Such behavior was clearly a violation of what Jesus taught.
I admitted to God that my attitude was lousy and that I had failed to communicate with the pilot. I asked Him to forgive me, to cleanse me, and to renew my spirit. The Lord heard my prayer and my heart was changed right there in that plane. I was the victim of my own behavior.
We approached another island where we would spend the night. The landing was smooth. The pilot asked me to jump on the dock and hold the rope. I was only too glad to comply. I was a wise, knowledgeable veteran. The pilot crawled out of the plane and, as always, jumped on the pontoon. The wing came down and disturbed only air; Brandt’s head was not under the wing!
That night under the stars as we sat around a campfire, I told the pilot about my struggle. Jesus says to rebuke someone who sins against you. I assumed I should be gracious about it. “You kept saying you were sorry,” I reminded him.
“What I meant was, ‘I’m sorry if you’re too dumb to get out from under the wing,’” he replied, holding his sides with laughter.
This incident started me thinking. Was he serious? Did he mean that he deliberately jumped on the pontoon, knowing that I stood under the wing and would receive a whack on the head? Was this a typical bush pilot joke that they all played on newcomers? Perhaps he had adopted a popular view that says you learn best by taking the consequences for misbehaving. But shouldn’t he at least have instructed me to get out from under the wing when he jumps on the pontoon? Our verse says:
“If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.”
Luke 17:3, NKJV
Did that mean that I should chew him out? Vent my wrath on him? What if he said he had repented but continued his unacceptable behavior? Another verse will shed some light on these questions:
Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself, lest you also be tempted.
Galatians 6:1, NKJV
This verse tells me that if anyone mistreats me, I need to first examine my own heart. I need to be “spiritual” before I approach the other person. What is “spiritual”?
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
Galatians 5:22-23, NKJV
If I am not spiritual, I need to straighten myself out before I approach the other person.
If I qualify, I need to rebuke him; that is, I need to point out the offensive or unacceptable behavior to my brother. His response shouldn’t affect my spirit because my spirit is between God and me.
What about the other person’s behavior? If he repents, forgive him, that is, grant free pardon and cease to feel resentment against him.
In this instance he did repent. He agreed to warn me when he was about to jump on the pontoon. Obviously, I needed to keep on being “spiritual.” His present or future conduct didn’t dictate the condition of my heart.
In the future, I could be more alert. I could accept his way of doing things. When he was around the plane, I could be sure not to be under the wing. Occasionally I could remind him to let me know when he was about to jump on the pontoon. Otherwise, I would allow myself to become the victim of my own behavior or lack of behavior.